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Briskonation

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Sunrise, sunset. Ha! [Feb. 19th, 2014|04:41 am]
Briskonation
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Bright Eyes]

It's amazing what one good day can do to me after almost a week of just hellish depression. I hope her life is everything she dreamed it to be, but I need to move on now. In June I will have met her 15 years ago and I'm almost positive that as long as I've had this journal, she has been the top subject in it. It finally comes to a close. After countless attempts only to be reversed by countless tearful reunions Sarah and I are finished. I can't say I resent our entire friendship, if nothing else I certainly learned a lot from her. At the same time, I missed countless opportunities of having some real relationships or connections with other girls or women because of her. I know it seems cheap to blame her, and for a while I didn't, but the more I thought of my issues, the more I can connect them almost directly to her. Of course she did change, the most painful times were pretty much within the first 6 years, but I never healed correctly. Every time a wound would begin to heal, she would just rip it open again, to the point where there was nothing but scar tissue left where my mind once was. It's very possible that if I had never met Sarah, I would be a normal person, maybe in a relationship, hell maybe even married. With kids even... I maybe would applied myself more instead of worrying about how I can please her. I might be in shape. Maybe I would kept playing football and had gone to college. Shit... It's all been out the window for too long now to even bother to dwell on it I suppose. Maybe it's just easy to blame all my problems on her? Maybe she doesn't deserve that? Maybe she does? Either way here I am now. I haven't openly cried in front of anyone since my grandmothers funeral... If you don't count me on the phone with Jamie when Moose died. But I wept over the weekend. At a birthday party of all places. Poor Ania, trying to celebrate with smiling faces, and then there's me. Whining like I'm 16 again, sobbing if only briefly in the arms of Lisa Van (bless her for that by the way), drinking like I was awaiting the arrival of death himself.

I am much better, I had a great day to reflect on this. This post is just sort of my own personal therapy session. It's fun too because no one reads this thing anymore, but I still like the idea of anyone at any time being able too. They won't of course, every time I talk about LJ I am looked upon like some sort of old timer :-D.

In other news, I'm ampped to make my move into Brendan's house in a week. I'm doing very well at IDS and we're moving to a new facility towards the end of spring, one three times larger than the one we're currently in, and all while having gotten two raises in the past 3 months. I'm a gun owner now, which take that any way you want, but the fact is I like to shoot, it's stress relieving and just a fun hobby in general, not to mention I've become just a little more prepared for the complete downfall of this country... Or zombie apocalypse. Anyways, it's a Smith & Wesson M&P 9mm semi-automatic handgun. Fun stuff. Well there's my "therapeutic/what's up with me" post for the year. We'll see if I keep up the writing this year in here. If not, see you next year Livejournal. Cheers! -Briskey-
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"From here I can hardly see a thing" [Feb. 18th, 2014|05:09 am]
Briskonation
[mood |coldcold]

"But I will follow anyone who brings me to you. For now, forever, for on and on and on..."

Only she can make me revert back to my 16 year old self. Oh LJ, how I missed you.
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(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2014|05:32 pm]
Briskonation
[mood |lost]

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I never left... This is getting hard now.
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2013: A new beginning. [Feb. 6th, 2013|05:09 am]
Briskonation
I got out of work early tonight so I figured I'd check out the old LJ. I'm starting to treat this thing like my actual hand written journal... Overall 2012 was unimpressive... It brought nothing to table for me in terms of immediate change. Things were in the works during 2012 and almost as soon as 2013 hit, changes started immediately. For the first time since I left the state on my cross country whatever, I am on the grid. I have an up to date and valid license, insurance, registered vehicle, the whole bit. I know this is what normal people already have and have had since the start of their adulthood, but I took time away from being an adult, and it took a lot of time and money to right that situation. Still working at IDS only now I am an SMT operator and making very decent money. I recently bought my parent 98 Explorer off of them for cheap, good running vehicle, strong motor, all wheel drive, which is fun. This is the year that I become a true adult. I've been putting it off for far too long. It's a good feeling. I still live in Hamtramck, I love this city to the point where I think I will be here for a while. Actually I'm living with my friend Erica, the one mentioned in my last post. It's okay, I like Erica a lot, but her and I have clashing personalities, so living with her can be a bit stressful from time to time, but she certainly is a better roommate than Jess Martin, whom I have not spoken to since I kicked her out of the last apartment, and I'm totally cool with that. She was a poisonous friend and I could no longer keep her in my life. Sometimes bridges need to be burned.
I plan on getting a place of my own soon enough, but the rent Erica and I split is stupid cheap and it's allowing me a chance to save up a nice hunk of cash. I still have no love interest in my life which I am hoping will change this year as well. 2012 held a couple of prospects but nothing worth the time or effort. I have nothing really creative to write in here this time around, I usually try to get creative with bringing LJ up to speed, but I just didn't feel it this time around. Just your typical "where I am in life" update. I wonder if anyone stills reads this shit? I would probably guess no, which makes it all the better for me actually :-)
Cheers, Briskey.
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(no subject) [May. 13th, 2012|12:17 am]
Briskonation
Somewhere in a parallel universe things are different and what I'm feeling right now does not exist...
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A pretty good weekend... Surprisingly. [Jul. 24th, 2011|04:12 am]
Briskonation
What with me having absolutely no money to my name at all, I was expecting to have a very dull weekend. No money, no gas, and no motivation to find anything to do... I mean, what's the point, right? I cleaned a shit ton on Friday. Living room, dining room, made a huge dent in the kitchen, and the back porch. I felt very accomplished from that. I had meant to do more, but with the heat and all, I was wore out after that. I also cleaned up the back yard a little and filled in Cinnamon's holes... I swear, if that dog digs one more hole in that yard, I might have to bury her in it. Other than that I had just expected to sit around the rest of the night. Maybe do some reading, or take a crack at writing some more. I ended up watching Hobo With a Shotgun... I enjoyed it. Then I headed up to the roof because there was some pretty sweet heat lightning going on over the Detroit skyline. I had one beer to drink while I was up there and I just sat there watching and listening.

I tell you, the sounds you hear on the streets of Hamtramck at about 3 in the morning are kind of... Well... They're something. A few random birds here and there, the clinking of the train rolling on the track, or the consistent sound of emergency vehicles from all over the city. I love to sit up above the city after the bars close and watch as the drunks spill out onto the street. They just wander, almost like zombies. Stumbling through the streets looking for some sort of action in the remainder of the night before giving in. It's interesting. Watching all of this with the lightning exploding in the sky but not making any noise whatsoever... Well, that was something to appreciate.

I was about to call it a night at about 4 in the morning until I saw a comment on my facebook post about what it was I was doing. From a good friend of mine, Erica. She just so happens to live literally right around the block from me and had just gotten home, but she too was looking for more action to her night before giving in. So she came over with a bottle of wine. We sat on the roof for hours watching the lightning and talking about everything there is to talk about in life. We laughed and we drank, and when 6am rolled around we changed the position of our chairs to look towards the sun that was coming up. I have seen some beautiful sunrises before, but this one made the top 5 easily. Absolutely gorgeous. The vibrant pink and purple colors that gradually devoured the entire sky above us. It was magnificent. We finished the bottle and went back to her house for breakfast. When we got there, we opened another bottle... We had already gone this far, so we figured, what the hell? Our friend Toast came over and we drank more and laughed more and it was probably the best morning I have had in a LONG time. Nothing like being drunk at 8 in the morning... I finally made my way back to my home at 1030 and passed out until about 5 or so.

That alone made my entire weekend. Those moments are so few and far between for me these days. It's funny when I think about the high school years and how often those moments happened for me then. I feel like I took them for granted...

Cheers, Briskey.
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What's to say?... [Jul. 16th, 2011|02:57 am]
Briskonation
27 I believe should be the year I finally get my shit together... Although it is not starting as such. I enjoy living in Hamtramck, it's nice to live in a city in Michigan other than the city of Warren. Not to mention it is actually a city setting, rather then a suburban hell hole of sorts. I don't feel as hassled here as I did living in Warren. I also am a fan of several bars within walking distance, along with several markets. Come February though, I do not believe I will re-sign the lease or live in this city anymore for that much. I like it as a nice in between residence.

I've been getting my annual itch to move around again... I enjoyed not being in one state for more than 3 months at a time. The constant day by day excitement of what's next. There's this talk of Disney On Ice. While I may not be a big fan of Disney related things, this actually sounds like a pretty sweet gig. It's basically like travelling around with a high class Carnival... Minus the trailers... The thing I like about the idea of it is, you're on tour for most of the year with 3 months in the summer off. They pay for your food and lodging everywhere you go, you only work an actual 3 days a week, and at the end of the tour they send you to where ever it is you are going for your 3 months off. The last part is what I like the most. So not only will my job for most of the year involve moving from city to city living out of a suitcase, but for my 3 months off I could stay at any number of places. I could go to California and stay with friends out there, I could go to Chicago, Kansas, Portland, etc... The fact that all my food and lodging is paid for too means most of the money I'm making on tour, I'll be able to save and use for my 3 months off. Anyways, I'm toying with that idea... I won't be able to get on the next tour anyways because my lease doesn't end until February.

I've started writing several new projects... Which is kind of stupid seeing how all previous projects are still unfinished... I keep getting new ideas though and the second I do they go into the works. I guess I just have to face the fact that I am too ADD to be a writer. I really am in love with the zombie one I'm writing though. Originally wrote up as a screen play by Tom Beste and I. The originality of it just keeps me pounding away. Despite the fact that I have already basically written the entirety of my road novel, the wording of it has become difficult for me. Every time I write another paragraph I just think it sounds like an 8 year old wrote it... I have no doubt in my mind that this zombie book of mine will be finished before my road book. There's more room for creativity in that, plus I have already written out an entire plot summary. Even has a fun little twist at the end. I have one other one in the works... Sort of... I've only written one paragraph of it. It's my failed love story... Well... Not MY failed love story... Actually it basically is. If any of you have known me at all over the years, I'm willing to bet you could take a good guess as to who the inspiration on the book is. That one will take a while for me to wrote. I feel like I need to go about that particular story delicately. What I love the most about the working of these 3 particular projects is, each one of them is completely different from the other. 3 completely different genres of books. I'm glad I'm getting myself back into the writing game. It really is the one thing I can do that keeps my mind at ease... Most of the time. Other times it makes me want to put a gun to my head... But it's all part of the creative process and overall fun of it.

No girlfriends for me still... I am still very much so content with that as well. I don't have time for that kind of drama in my life. I think it would be nice to have some sort of companionship, but it would be bound to fail anyways, so why bother with the effort? That's not to say I haven't been practicing my "game" though. I get to go see an old friend of mine get married tomorrow... While I am a supporter of love, I feel it no longer REALLY exists these days. I have no date to this wedding, as I didn't bother to find one until the last minute, but that's okay. It will give me a chance to work on my "game" there. What better place to find someone to potentially take home with me then a wedding? If there are any single girls there, they will all have love and above all else loneliness on there minds, and then I drop in and lay my "Briskey Charm" on them, and they're blown away... Probably not... But that doesn't mean I can't try damn it. I have been in such a dry spell lately that it is starting to get on my nerves. I've never been one to really care about getting laid often, but shit, it has to happen every once in while.

I guess that's enough babbling for one night. Cheers.
-Briskey-
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(no subject) [Oct. 30th, 2010|04:15 pm]
Briskonation
My favorite time of year.
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(no subject) [Oct. 13th, 2010|12:28 am]
Briskonation
Quitting smoking part one, take two...
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(no subject) [Oct. 11th, 2010|12:04 am]
Briskonation
"Let Me In" was an awesome movie. Identical to the original; "Let The Right Ones In". I have however, never read the book, so I ordered it the second I got home. I'm stoked to read it.
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